Hello, not sure if anyone's going to read this but I wanted to write this as I've documented many parts of my life here and I want to continue that tradition.
So many things have happened in the past few months yet, sometimes it feels like barely anything happened at all. I'm back to school. Even a few weeks ago I couldn't picture myself in a classroom but here I am now in a crowd of strangers for hours in a week.
Do I want to change? I've battled this question fruitlessly and tirelessly for a so long that at some point I think I decided to push it away and pretend that I don't see it lingering in the corner of my mind. Today I bring it up again because going back to school made me realize how little I've changed as a person. To change into a different version of me is an incredibly difficult process- I realize this more and more each day as I try to alter the current version of me to fit an image that I think I and others around me may like better. But to change means to abandon the persona I've been carrying for all these years. The persona that has been so kind to me, so considerate of me, and did her best to make sure this heart is safe and secure. My current identity is something I actually quite like, so to change in my eyes seems as though forgetting who I am and pretending to be someone I'm not. Though, as I grow older, it seems almost necessary to live as someone I'm not in order to have a "successful and normal life."
Anyway, more than two years ago I wrote a post on how to stop being a fangirl and if you've read any of the posts from the past two years, you know I didn't go through that plan of being a "regular" girl. However, I have made the decision to unstan my ult group and tbh I'm not very upset about that. I feel less guilty and more liberated now that I've detached myself officially. I still like Park Jinyoung a lot and support some other artists in the group but officially unstanning the group took away the sense of pressure to always support them or be up to date with all of their activities. I'm happy with the way things are now.
I've read many good manhwa/webcomics in the meanwhile. Some of my most favorite series are coming to an end or have recently ended and I'm still not over them. These comics were there for me, they comforted me, they made me smile for the past few years at times when I, myself, couldn't take care of me. To have them just eliminated at this stage of my life, it's a little difficult to adjust. I'm now desperately reading new series to find something that can replace them and help me survive life the way they did. So far, the success rate is quite low.
What else? I've gone out way more than usual in the past two months. Been talking to friends and family more often than before. I'm proud of myself for surviving this summer. Kind of want to make a post about some of the newer manhwas that I've read in the past one and a half years and didn't mention here before. Let's see how that goes. Stay well until then!
So many things have happened in the past few months yet, sometimes it feels like barely anything happened at all. I'm back to school. Even a few weeks ago I couldn't picture myself in a classroom but here I am now in a crowd of strangers for hours in a week.
Do I want to change? I've battled this question fruitlessly and tirelessly for a so long that at some point I think I decided to push it away and pretend that I don't see it lingering in the corner of my mind. Today I bring it up again because going back to school made me realize how little I've changed as a person. To change into a different version of me is an incredibly difficult process- I realize this more and more each day as I try to alter the current version of me to fit an image that I think I and others around me may like better. But to change means to abandon the persona I've been carrying for all these years. The persona that has been so kind to me, so considerate of me, and did her best to make sure this heart is safe and secure. My current identity is something I actually quite like, so to change in my eyes seems as though forgetting who I am and pretending to be someone I'm not. Though, as I grow older, it seems almost necessary to live as someone I'm not in order to have a "successful and normal life."
Anyway, more than two years ago I wrote a post on how to stop being a fangirl and if you've read any of the posts from the past two years, you know I didn't go through that plan of being a "regular" girl. However, I have made the decision to unstan my ult group and tbh I'm not very upset about that. I feel less guilty and more liberated now that I've detached myself officially. I still like Park Jinyoung a lot and support some other artists in the group but officially unstanning the group took away the sense of pressure to always support them or be up to date with all of their activities. I'm happy with the way things are now.
I've read many good manhwa/webcomics in the meanwhile. Some of my most favorite series are coming to an end or have recently ended and I'm still not over them. These comics were there for me, they comforted me, they made me smile for the past few years at times when I, myself, couldn't take care of me. To have them just eliminated at this stage of my life, it's a little difficult to adjust. I'm now desperately reading new series to find something that can replace them and help me survive life the way they did. So far, the success rate is quite low.
What else? I've gone out way more than usual in the past two months. Been talking to friends and family more often than before. I'm proud of myself for surviving this summer. Kind of want to make a post about some of the newer manhwas that I've read in the past one and a half years and didn't mention here before. Let's see how that goes. Stay well until then!
