COURAGE - Chapter 1 ~ part 1

It's 3 pm at night or 5? I don't know. I can't see the time; ipod's bright screen blurring my vision. I put down my phone. I'm a sophmore in high school and it's a regular school day. I was supposed to be sleeping by now ,but there was those creepy nightmares, always waking me up in the middle of the night. I've seen many nightmare scene on TV- people getting up from sleep, screaming and gasping. But in my case, it's never the same. I just sit up on the bed, touch my own cold hand and shiver. Sometimes I wonder what's people's nightmares about: typical people- someone close dying, Nerd people- getting an F in class, Politicans- losing in election, Farmers- disaster in land; maybe they have nightmares about different stuff too.( I just don't know. I'm not a people specialist).

But one thing I know for sure, they don't keep on having the same nightmare over and over again. Then why it's only me? Why do I have to have the the same nightmare everynight? God- you want me to have nightmare every single day? Fine, but the  why the exact same one? The nightmare is about a person ( I know him) doing many kind of creepy stuff to me. Every time he's the villain and I'm the victim, there's no third person in my nightmare world. There's something called appetite. Now as I always see the samething I've lost the appetite for it. It doesn't even feel like a nightmare anymore. Because It doesn't frighten me nor I fear it. I just sit up, see the time and lie down again. I've become used to it.

This rubbish nightmare's effect doesn't stop here. It doesn't let me sleep so I feel sleepy all the time at school. Sleep is not anyone's servent, it doesn't appear when you want. It appears when I try to concentrate in math class, when I'm on the exciting moment of a book. Ugh! I hate it when it happens. I'm known as the most sleepy and quitest student in my class- only because of this stupid nightmare. Wait! It wouldn't be fair if i blame that nightmare for everything. It makes me sleepy but it's not the reason why I stay quiet.

I don't want to be known. I don't want anyone to pay attention to me. It's not  because I don't like others, it's beacuse I'm really bad at pretending. I want to be myself but I'm afraid of being that. I'm afraid to say what I want, how I think. So the simple solution for this is not to talk to anybody. I've decided to stay quiet like that from the day my parents had died. Yes I'm an orphan. I don't have any other siblings. When I was 9 years old I've seen my parents dying right infront of me.

It was a regular day. My dad was on his laptop and my mom was making braid on my hair. Suddenly, some people broke the door and made their way into our living room. My dad went and talked to them. They were having an argument and those people, I knew them. I've seen many of them on TV. They worked in military like my parents. I don't remeber  what they were talking about but after a while my mom entered the room and I heared the sound of shooting. The floor was bloody and my parent's body were laying there. I was astonished. I asked them why they did it, what was my parents' fault, how was it right to get into someone's house and murder them. They didn't notice me untill I spoke up, then they ran after me because I was the witness. I escaped from  them  and tried to talk to many people my parents knew. They all forbid me to speak about it. Even some of them tried to put me in danger because I was saying the wicked truth. I realized that what I think, what I say is not safe. It might be truth but it's wicked for others. I kept my mouth shut and stopped being myself.....
( To be continued)