How to stop being a fangirl

First of all, I want to say that being a fangirl is NOT a bad thing!! You don't have to stop being a fangirl unless you're in a dark hole like me and have no choice but to abandon the fangirl world. But before I start, I must say that ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY STOP FANGIRLING. However, you can restrict your fangirl craze by following these steps-
P.S. this is more of a reminder for myself than anything else pls don't take offense in it.

#1 if you have any fanpage, DELETE IT NOW!!! i know how difficult it is as i myself had over 5 fanpages but trust me this is the major step and life without your fanpage isn't as painful as you think.
   *make an aesthetic blog/ quotes/ memes/social justice blog if you want to keep yourself occupied*

#2 if you write fanfics, STOP!! try to delete the fanfics that you have posted because you will continue to get notifications from those and will stay attached to it. If deleting is too hard for you, you can keep them and disable your notification, this way people can still read it but it won't disrupt your personal life.

#3 if you draw fanart, STOP!! try to draw about something else. Draw Barack Obama. Draw Bill Nye the sciene guy. Draw about WWII. Draw about 3017 when robot marriage is legal and mars is overpopulated. Draw a banana.
*hide the fanarts you've already drawn*

#4 If you're a fujoshi/fundanshi first stop watching yaoi or anything that relates to it. It's hard but the first step is to stop watching. 

Then stop reading BL fanfics.
Stop posting about BL or your OTP.
Do NOT look onto the tags when you're on tumblr or instagram.
Avoid watching fanedits.
If you're following someone who posts about those, unfollow them.
Try something new. Watch different types of anime/ show.
Find something new. Play video games (not mystic messenger) or
read books (not the ones that makes you fangirl), play sport, master drawing
finally, take it slow. take it day by day, minute by minute. SKAM fans see what i did there                        (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞

#5 Even if you're not a fujoshi but just a regular fangirl/fanboy who wants to lessen their obsession, you can take the steps mentioned above^^ and i promise it will work. Good luck to anybody trying to change themselves and hopefully you will be able to live a healthy life. (◕‿◕✿)

Just an update

Pretty sure it's been over a year since i have posted on this blog. Going back to the old posts, i only get massive cringe attacks. lol was it really me who wrote those? It makes me so uncomfortable to read my own old posts. you may question why haven't i deleted those then? well, MEMORIES duhh

anyway, this is my junior year; stressful and my extreme habit of procrastination is making it worse. I have tests tomorrow, homeworks that i haven't finished. But yet, i spent 4 hours 32 min watching cockroaches give birth while dying, people eating smoothies made of disgusting things and cheap halloween costume ideas (i dont even celebrate halloween??). Don't ask me why, i cant answer that okay. It's 10:13 pm and i have exactly one hour to finish ALL MY HOMEWORKS and then take a shower and eat and then go to bed. Not sure how I'm going to manage that, but.. i will try, lol, hOPEFULLY, IF I DON'T GET DISTRACTED BY SOMETHING AGAIN. hahaha

why am i like this ughh ok baii have a nice day/night
(is anyone even reading this? are any of my followers still active?)

Mr. Watson, His Family & The Mystery Man

Mr.Watson, owner of WIGI multi-national company, is in bed for the past three years. He's suffering from an unknown disease. He doesn't talk, move or anything. No doctor or medicine could cure him. Left out by his family, now he lives with his youngest daughter Fiona, in a lake cottage, alone.

Fiona, the youngest member of Watson family is just a regular nerdy girl. A beautiful nerd. Books, coffee, her bedroom and her father- these are the things that kept her surviving. She doesn't bother to care  about the reality, because she knows, it would only shows cruelty.

One day she brings a Mysterious guy home who has lost his memory. He, shockingly, claims to cure Mr. watson. Mr. Watson, over joyed, decided to donate all his property to the mystery man. This news brings every one together. His wife, daughters, son in a battle of love, battle of money, with the mystery man.



COMING SOON.... 

COURAGE - Chapter 2 ~ Part 1

Everyone's still stunned, staring at Ryan with their eyes wide open. Nobody expected a disruption in their great bully sort of activity. Melinda broke the sudden silence -
"Oh, hi Ryan . . . How are you?"
"I'm well, thanks," said Ryan, in a sharp voice.
Then he turns to me and asks impatiently,
"Leena, the bell has rang 5 minutes ago, why are you still here?"
Emily eyed me threateningly.
What should I say? That, they were harassing me?
Nope. I'm not going to tell Ryan anything. It will cause more trouble for me. So better keep quite and let them solve it.

"We were having a little chit-chat," Emily answers instead of me.
"Cool but I don't think this is an appropiate time for anyone to have friendly conversation in the hallway." His voice and face shows the true disapproval.
"C'mon Ryan, this is only 5 minutes."
"Maybe being tardy doesn't matter to you, but for Leena, it is important not to lose point."
He takes my hand and pulls me out of the crowd.
"Come, I'll walk you to the office."
 I try to avoid looking at the girls' angry faces as we walk away. When we get near to the office Ryan stops.
And starts laughing! (I expected him to be mad and scold me. )

"That was really heroic. Wasn't it?" Ryan smiles widely.
"U-huh?" (I'm confused)
"I mean, going there and 'rescuing' you from those 'beasts'" he grinned while mentioning the words 'Rescue' and 'Beast'.
"By the way, how long are you gonna tolerate this? I'll graduate this year then you'll have to face those bullies by yourself. Better protest from now."
"You know I won't," I say in a cold voice.
"But. . . Why?"

Leaving him behind, I enter the the office. I don't want to talk to him about it. I don't want to discuss my problems, my thoughts with anybody. Because, I know, nobody will understand. Its not like I dont have the courage  or I'm afriad. I can protest too. I can speak up against many unfairs. But I won't. I know this doesn't do any good . If you have power , no matter how bad job you do, how many mistakes you make, you will still get many supporter. But the same you will be criticized, humiliated for your mistakes; your great jobs won't be cared if you don't have power. This isn't the rule, but this is reality...

(To be continued )

COURAGE - Chapter 1 ~ Part 3

I turn around to see what halted me back. It was Emiley, the leader of " Chill Chiks" group. She was holding my hand. She pressed my hand so hard that her long manicured nails dug into my skin. She is one of the most evil and horrendous person I've ever seen. She's like those typical "Mean girls" every school has. ( She's a great bully too '_' ). She doesn't follow school's dress code, she doesn't require a pass if she's tardy and the main irritating point is, she doesn't even get good grades but still everyone in the school are obsessed with her. (More  clearly to say - worship her! ).

I am pulled in the middle and all the girls around me made a circle. Some girls standing with their hand crossed, some girls grinning at me. There are also some girls standing a little bit far away, enjoying the drama has started. Finally, after all those formalities, Emiley spoke up,
"Leena hun, why do you always try to run away from us? We're friends"
she said in a criticizing voice. (Still holding my hands)
My mouth is sealed with an invisible power. I can't get my mouth open to talk. I don't even want to talk to them. Wait ( actually I do ), I want to protest when they bully me, when they bully others. I want to snitch on her to the principal, but I doubt this will do any good. Because even the principal is manipulated by them. I think I will get in more trouble instead of them. So it's better to keep quite than saying something back to them and creating a scene.

"Ugh! Emiley! This won't work out nicely. We gotta be tight."
a senior girl interrupted. Her pretty face turned evil with her envious squinted eyes. She pulled my backpack off my shoulder, taking everything out.
"Where is it? Where is it?
where is your damn phone?"
The more I'm viewing their activites the more I'm being confused.
What do they want? Why do they want my phone? Is this a new trap?
"This chick shows too much prestige, she needs to learn a lesson. "
"What exactly is your relationship with Ryan?"
All those questions, pressure in my mind - are just unbearable. My head's started spinning, vision blurring.

"Alright, alright, this is getting too noisy. We don't need that much bummer question. Let me handle this" said Emiley.
She walks towards me, I step back. I keep on walking backward while she's walking towards me. And now I found myself against the wall, nowhere else to go. Emiley leans closer.
"W-what are you doing?"
I stammered the question; she didn't answer. She keeps on leaning close. I close my eyes. She's horribly close now.
She takes my hand, place it against the wall, tilt my head up.
"Lee -
and before she could even finish her word, I heard someone else calling my name.
"Leena!"
I can reconize this voice without a second of thought.
Emiley let go off my hand. All the girls were shocked. I sneak a glance to the hallway,
Ryan's emerged from the classroom,
"Leena! What do you think you're doing down there?"

( To be continued )

COURAGE - Chapter 1 ~ Part 2

Suddenly my thoughts faded away. Someone was whispering my name, "Leena, Leena." I got up from the bed and checked the window. Nobody was there. Then where is the sound coming from? Who is calling me this late? So many potential suspects raced in my mind. "Chill Chicks" from school? But why would they come to scare me at home. They have done many horrible stuff before, but they won't get the gut to come  this far. Those senior students? They're always looking for a way to put me in trouble. Melinda Smith? Robert from history class? Anyone could be. But one thing doesn't seem right. Why would anyone come to my home this late? only to bother me? Nah...

I'm sweating. I have to go to the kitchen and get some water. I feel like my throat's going to explode from thirst. I opened the the door and just before  I could start screaming, I felt a hand pressing my mouth off. "Sush!!! It's me, Ryan."
 I rubbed my eyes a little to see more clearly. No doubt it is him. "Dude! What  are you doing here right now?" I couldn't hold my curiosity.
"We'll talk but let me get in first." Ryan said.
 I still feel awkward. It's not so unfimiliar for Ryan to come to my room in this time because his room lives in upstairs and I see him almost 24/7. Wait, I've said about my home before but I need to correct it - it's Ryan's home. I don't have any home. I live here with Ryan and his family. After my parent's death, Ryan's father, the military commander, brought me here instead of an orphanage.

"Hey dummy, what are you thinking? Why didn't you open the door? I'd been calling your name." Ryan almost exclaimed.
"So it was you who whispered my name! God, you scared me to death! Anyway, what brings you here?".
"Nothing just thought we could have some fun time since none of us are sleeping:
"Ryan, you're really a weirdo. You woke me up only for this?" I couldn't help but smile.
"Hey don't lie. I knew that you weren't sleeping" Ryan smiled too.
Ryan said he wants to play a game but it needs two player. He handed me a game controler. "You know I'll lose anyway but still I don't want to dissapoint you".
Actually it's not like I don't want to it's because I can't. Ryan's been with me for 7 years and he is the only person I really talk to. He is the only friend, only family I have.
                             
                                 *************************************
I don't like to be with Ryan in school. I feel so uncomfortable walking wih him because he is the smartest, coolest and hottest guy in our school. And here I'm, just a piece of crap always with him. I never get anything but C in class. I think people know about my existance only because of Ryan.
As soon as Ryan leaves for his class, all the girls come and surround me.
"Hey, is silver Ryan's favorite color? He seems to wear it most often." A girl from 'Chill Chicks' group asked. (  their name should have been Mean Chicks because they act like the girls from the MEAN GIRL movie. But somehow they ended up with this unsuitable name).
"Is it true that Ryan is gonna go out with a girl from our school?" Melinda, a wanna-be-Ryan's-girlfriend, asked. All the girls started chanting like I come to school to provide information about Ryan. In this kind of situation, usually, I don't really answer. I just nod, smile, say yes or no and leave. But this time I couldn't leave....
(To be continued)

COURAGE - Chapter 1 ~ part 1

It's 3 pm at night or 5? I don't know. I can't see the time; ipod's bright screen blurring my vision. I put down my phone. I'm a sophmore in high school and it's a regular school day. I was supposed to be sleeping by now ,but there was those creepy nightmares, always waking me up in the middle of the night. I've seen many nightmare scene on TV- people getting up from sleep, screaming and gasping. But in my case, it's never the same. I just sit up on the bed, touch my own cold hand and shiver. Sometimes I wonder what's people's nightmares about: typical people- someone close dying, Nerd people- getting an F in class, Politicans- losing in election, Farmers- disaster in land; maybe they have nightmares about different stuff too.( I just don't know. I'm not a people specialist).

But one thing I know for sure, they don't keep on having the same nightmare over and over again. Then why it's only me? Why do I have to have the the same nightmare everynight? God- you want me to have nightmare every single day? Fine, but the  why the exact same one? The nightmare is about a person ( I know him) doing many kind of creepy stuff to me. Every time he's the villain and I'm the victim, there's no third person in my nightmare world. There's something called appetite. Now as I always see the samething I've lost the appetite for it. It doesn't even feel like a nightmare anymore. Because It doesn't frighten me nor I fear it. I just sit up, see the time and lie down again. I've become used to it.

This rubbish nightmare's effect doesn't stop here. It doesn't let me sleep so I feel sleepy all the time at school. Sleep is not anyone's servent, it doesn't appear when you want. It appears when I try to concentrate in math class, when I'm on the exciting moment of a book. Ugh! I hate it when it happens. I'm known as the most sleepy and quitest student in my class- only because of this stupid nightmare. Wait! It wouldn't be fair if i blame that nightmare for everything. It makes me sleepy but it's not the reason why I stay quiet.

I don't want to be known. I don't want anyone to pay attention to me. It's not  because I don't like others, it's beacuse I'm really bad at pretending. I want to be myself but I'm afraid of being that. I'm afraid to say what I want, how I think. So the simple solution for this is not to talk to anybody. I've decided to stay quiet like that from the day my parents had died. Yes I'm an orphan. I don't have any other siblings. When I was 9 years old I've seen my parents dying right infront of me.

It was a regular day. My dad was on his laptop and my mom was making braid on my hair. Suddenly, some people broke the door and made their way into our living room. My dad went and talked to them. They were having an argument and those people, I knew them. I've seen many of them on TV. They worked in military like my parents. I don't remeber  what they were talking about but after a while my mom entered the room and I heared the sound of shooting. The floor was bloody and my parent's body were laying there. I was astonished. I asked them why they did it, what was my parents' fault, how was it right to get into someone's house and murder them. They didn't notice me untill I spoke up, then they ran after me because I was the witness. I escaped from  them  and tried to talk to many people my parents knew. They all forbid me to speak about it. Even some of them tried to put me in danger because I was saying the wicked truth. I realized that what I think, what I say is not safe. It might be truth but it's wicked for others. I kept my mouth shut and stopped being myself.....
( To be continued)