COURAGE - Chapter 1 ~ Part 3

I turn around to see what halted me back. It was Emiley, the leader of " Chill Chiks" group. She was holding my hand. She pressed my hand so hard that her long manicured nails dug into my skin. She is one of the most evil and horrendous person I've ever seen. She's like those typical "Mean girls" every school has. ( She's a great bully too '_' ). She doesn't follow school's dress code, she doesn't require a pass if she's tardy and the main irritating point is, she doesn't even get good grades but still everyone in the school are obsessed with her. (More  clearly to say - worship her! ).

I am pulled in the middle and all the girls around me made a circle. Some girls standing with their hand crossed, some girls grinning at me. There are also some girls standing a little bit far away, enjoying the drama has started. Finally, after all those formalities, Emiley spoke up,
"Leena hun, why do you always try to run away from us? We're friends"
she said in a criticizing voice. (Still holding my hands)
My mouth is sealed with an invisible power. I can't get my mouth open to talk. I don't even want to talk to them. Wait ( actually I do ), I want to protest when they bully me, when they bully others. I want to snitch on her to the principal, but I doubt this will do any good. Because even the principal is manipulated by them. I think I will get in more trouble instead of them. So it's better to keep quite than saying something back to them and creating a scene.

"Ugh! Emiley! This won't work out nicely. We gotta be tight."
a senior girl interrupted. Her pretty face turned evil with her envious squinted eyes. She pulled my backpack off my shoulder, taking everything out.
"Where is it? Where is it?
where is your damn phone?"
The more I'm viewing their activites the more I'm being confused.
What do they want? Why do they want my phone? Is this a new trap?
"This chick shows too much prestige, she needs to learn a lesson. "
"What exactly is your relationship with Ryan?"
All those questions, pressure in my mind - are just unbearable. My head's started spinning, vision blurring.

"Alright, alright, this is getting too noisy. We don't need that much bummer question. Let me handle this" said Emiley.
She walks towards me, I step back. I keep on walking backward while she's walking towards me. And now I found myself against the wall, nowhere else to go. Emiley leans closer.
"W-what are you doing?"
I stammered the question; she didn't answer. She keeps on leaning close. I close my eyes. She's horribly close now.
She takes my hand, place it against the wall, tilt my head up.
"Lee -
and before she could even finish her word, I heard someone else calling my name.
"Leena!"
I can reconize this voice without a second of thought.
Emiley let go off my hand. All the girls were shocked. I sneak a glance to the hallway,
Ryan's emerged from the classroom,
"Leena! What do you think you're doing down there?"

( To be continued )

COURAGE - Chapter 1 ~ Part 2

Suddenly my thoughts faded away. Someone was whispering my name, "Leena, Leena." I got up from the bed and checked the window. Nobody was there. Then where is the sound coming from? Who is calling me this late? So many potential suspects raced in my mind. "Chill Chicks" from school? But why would they come to scare me at home. They have done many horrible stuff before, but they won't get the gut to come  this far. Those senior students? They're always looking for a way to put me in trouble. Melinda Smith? Robert from history class? Anyone could be. But one thing doesn't seem right. Why would anyone come to my home this late? only to bother me? Nah...

I'm sweating. I have to go to the kitchen and get some water. I feel like my throat's going to explode from thirst. I opened the the door and just before  I could start screaming, I felt a hand pressing my mouth off. "Sush!!! It's me, Ryan."
 I rubbed my eyes a little to see more clearly. No doubt it is him. "Dude! What  are you doing here right now?" I couldn't hold my curiosity.
"We'll talk but let me get in first." Ryan said.
 I still feel awkward. It's not so unfimiliar for Ryan to come to my room in this time because his room lives in upstairs and I see him almost 24/7. Wait, I've said about my home before but I need to correct it - it's Ryan's home. I don't have any home. I live here with Ryan and his family. After my parent's death, Ryan's father, the military commander, brought me here instead of an orphanage.

"Hey dummy, what are you thinking? Why didn't you open the door? I'd been calling your name." Ryan almost exclaimed.
"So it was you who whispered my name! God, you scared me to death! Anyway, what brings you here?".
"Nothing just thought we could have some fun time since none of us are sleeping:
"Ryan, you're really a weirdo. You woke me up only for this?" I couldn't help but smile.
"Hey don't lie. I knew that you weren't sleeping" Ryan smiled too.
Ryan said he wants to play a game but it needs two player. He handed me a game controler. "You know I'll lose anyway but still I don't want to dissapoint you".
Actually it's not like I don't want to it's because I can't. Ryan's been with me for 7 years and he is the only person I really talk to. He is the only friend, only family I have.
                             
                                 *************************************
I don't like to be with Ryan in school. I feel so uncomfortable walking wih him because he is the smartest, coolest and hottest guy in our school. And here I'm, just a piece of crap always with him. I never get anything but C in class. I think people know about my existance only because of Ryan.
As soon as Ryan leaves for his class, all the girls come and surround me.
"Hey, is silver Ryan's favorite color? He seems to wear it most often." A girl from 'Chill Chicks' group asked. (  their name should have been Mean Chicks because they act like the girls from the MEAN GIRL movie. But somehow they ended up with this unsuitable name).
"Is it true that Ryan is gonna go out with a girl from our school?" Melinda, a wanna-be-Ryan's-girlfriend, asked. All the girls started chanting like I come to school to provide information about Ryan. In this kind of situation, usually, I don't really answer. I just nod, smile, say yes or no and leave. But this time I couldn't leave....
(To be continued)

COURAGE - Chapter 1 ~ part 1

It's 3 pm at night or 5? I don't know. I can't see the time; ipod's bright screen blurring my vision. I put down my phone. I'm a sophmore in high school and it's a regular school day. I was supposed to be sleeping by now ,but there was those creepy nightmares, always waking me up in the middle of the night. I've seen many nightmare scene on TV- people getting up from sleep, screaming and gasping. But in my case, it's never the same. I just sit up on the bed, touch my own cold hand and shiver. Sometimes I wonder what's people's nightmares about: typical people- someone close dying, Nerd people- getting an F in class, Politicans- losing in election, Farmers- disaster in land; maybe they have nightmares about different stuff too.( I just don't know. I'm not a people specialist).

But one thing I know for sure, they don't keep on having the same nightmare over and over again. Then why it's only me? Why do I have to have the the same nightmare everynight? God- you want me to have nightmare every single day? Fine, but the  why the exact same one? The nightmare is about a person ( I know him) doing many kind of creepy stuff to me. Every time he's the villain and I'm the victim, there's no third person in my nightmare world. There's something called appetite. Now as I always see the samething I've lost the appetite for it. It doesn't even feel like a nightmare anymore. Because It doesn't frighten me nor I fear it. I just sit up, see the time and lie down again. I've become used to it.

This rubbish nightmare's effect doesn't stop here. It doesn't let me sleep so I feel sleepy all the time at school. Sleep is not anyone's servent, it doesn't appear when you want. It appears when I try to concentrate in math class, when I'm on the exciting moment of a book. Ugh! I hate it when it happens. I'm known as the most sleepy and quitest student in my class- only because of this stupid nightmare. Wait! It wouldn't be fair if i blame that nightmare for everything. It makes me sleepy but it's not the reason why I stay quiet.

I don't want to be known. I don't want anyone to pay attention to me. It's not  because I don't like others, it's beacuse I'm really bad at pretending. I want to be myself but I'm afraid of being that. I'm afraid to say what I want, how I think. So the simple solution for this is not to talk to anybody. I've decided to stay quiet like that from the day my parents had died. Yes I'm an orphan. I don't have any other siblings. When I was 9 years old I've seen my parents dying right infront of me.

It was a regular day. My dad was on his laptop and my mom was making braid on my hair. Suddenly, some people broke the door and made their way into our living room. My dad went and talked to them. They were having an argument and those people, I knew them. I've seen many of them on TV. They worked in military like my parents. I don't remeber  what they were talking about but after a while my mom entered the room and I heared the sound of shooting. The floor was bloody and my parent's body were laying there. I was astonished. I asked them why they did it, what was my parents' fault, how was it right to get into someone's house and murder them. They didn't notice me untill I spoke up, then they ran after me because I was the witness. I escaped from  them  and tried to talk to many people my parents knew. They all forbid me to speak about it. Even some of them tried to put me in danger because I was saying the wicked truth. I realized that what I think, what I say is not safe. It might be truth but it's wicked for others. I kept my mouth shut and stopped being myself.....
( To be continued)