Three years ago, I wrote a post titled "How to Stop Being a Fangirl." That ended up being one of my most-read posts with an audience from all over the world. It seems that a lot of people like me wanted to get rid of the curse that is this fangirl lifestyle. Why- I wonder. Why did I write that post and why did all these people read it? Why do we wanna stop being fangirls so badly? What exactly is wrong with being a fangirl? Quarantined in our houses in the midst of a global pandemic, now seems to be the perfect time to reflect and resonate.
When I wrote my guide to stop being a fangirl, I definitely did it because being a fangirl cost me a lot of time and I wanted to channel that energy and time into something more productive and dignified. Productive and Dignified. Now, let's break that down one by one.
I wanted to be productive. This implies that I wasn't being productive while I was a fangirling. When I was a fangirl, I met tons of people both online and offline. Those fangirls and I, we didn't just cry over the latest episode or our favorite ship, we talked about our daily life, our dreams, and our worries. We comforted, inspired, and motivated each other. I wasn't able to communicate with my family or my classmates, but because of those people, I was still able to remain a social animal. I received quite a lot of praise and awards for my writings in my later years of high school, but it was thanks to the long hours I spent reading and writing fanfic that I was able to acquire such skill. It was the fangirl in me that discovered the writer in me. It was also the fangirl in me that discovered the artist and art lover in me. I spent hours being enamored by the fanarts of my favorite artists and even longer hours trying to draw my faves to express my love. It was the fangirl in me that also discovered the filmmaker in me, the critical thinker in me, the debator in me, the creator in me, the infinite different versions of me.
When I think back, all the time I was fangirling, I was planting the seeds for today's me. I was opening new doors of potentials each day. I was being productive. But the problem is that I thought I wasn't. The problem is that I BELIEVED that I was undignified for being a fangirl. I was ashamed and guilty. Why?
Society taught me so. It told me nothing useful comes out of passionately loving fictional characters or boy bands. It constantly reminded me that my passion and energy are funny and often, ludicrous. That it was okay to make fun of the fanfic and fanart we spend weeks and months to create. It was okay to laugh at and look down at a bunch of "crazy" "odd" girls being happy and creative.
All these years, I've heard their comments and I've accepted them as facts but no more. I've seen the underlying sexism that pushed such narratives and I'm done tolerating it. Guys are never looked down upon or laughed at for being passionate about a sport or a film or, anything. It's always the girls who're odd and hysteric and childish for being passionate. It's not shameful for me to be passionate about playing an instrument or studies or sports but it's shameful to take joy in watching a boy/girl group perform or drawing a fanart? It's okay for me to like a TV show but not okay for me to use my creative skills to write stories about the TV show? Who came up with such a guidebook and why do I have to follow it? Enough is enough. It doesn't matter if I lose interest in a certain celebrity or a TV show or an anime three months or three years later. I'm not going to let society dictate what I'm allowed to or not allowed to enjoy. Or how strongly I'm allowed to love or how creatively I can show my interest.
So much for equality and female empowerment! Society can continue act like a hypocrite but I'm no longer letting their hypocrisy confine me. I'm being a fangirl and I'm being me for as long and as much as I want to be.
When I wrote my guide to stop being a fangirl, I definitely did it because being a fangirl cost me a lot of time and I wanted to channel that energy and time into something more productive and dignified. Productive and Dignified. Now, let's break that down one by one.
I wanted to be productive. This implies that I wasn't being productive while I was a fangirling. When I was a fangirl, I met tons of people both online and offline. Those fangirls and I, we didn't just cry over the latest episode or our favorite ship, we talked about our daily life, our dreams, and our worries. We comforted, inspired, and motivated each other. I wasn't able to communicate with my family or my classmates, but because of those people, I was still able to remain a social animal. I received quite a lot of praise and awards for my writings in my later years of high school, but it was thanks to the long hours I spent reading and writing fanfic that I was able to acquire such skill. It was the fangirl in me that discovered the writer in me. It was also the fangirl in me that discovered the artist and art lover in me. I spent hours being enamored by the fanarts of my favorite artists and even longer hours trying to draw my faves to express my love. It was the fangirl in me that also discovered the filmmaker in me, the critical thinker in me, the debator in me, the creator in me, the infinite different versions of me.
When I think back, all the time I was fangirling, I was planting the seeds for today's me. I was opening new doors of potentials each day. I was being productive. But the problem is that I thought I wasn't. The problem is that I BELIEVED that I was undignified for being a fangirl. I was ashamed and guilty. Why?
Society taught me so. It told me nothing useful comes out of passionately loving fictional characters or boy bands. It constantly reminded me that my passion and energy are funny and often, ludicrous. That it was okay to make fun of the fanfic and fanart we spend weeks and months to create. It was okay to laugh at and look down at a bunch of "crazy" "odd" girls being happy and creative.
All these years, I've heard their comments and I've accepted them as facts but no more. I've seen the underlying sexism that pushed such narratives and I'm done tolerating it. Guys are never looked down upon or laughed at for being passionate about a sport or a film or, anything. It's always the girls who're odd and hysteric and childish for being passionate. It's not shameful for me to be passionate about playing an instrument or studies or sports but it's shameful to take joy in watching a boy/girl group perform or drawing a fanart? It's okay for me to like a TV show but not okay for me to use my creative skills to write stories about the TV show? Who came up with such a guidebook and why do I have to follow it? Enough is enough. It doesn't matter if I lose interest in a certain celebrity or a TV show or an anime three months or three years later. I'm not going to let society dictate what I'm allowed to or not allowed to enjoy. Or how strongly I'm allowed to love or how creatively I can show my interest.
So much for equality and female empowerment! Society can continue act like a hypocrite but I'm no longer letting their hypocrisy confine me. I'm being a fangirl and I'm being me for as long and as much as I want to be.
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