Life As It Is Now

 I didn't realize it's been almost two years since I wrote on this blog. Today would've been just another day passed without thinking about this blog but something pretty amazing happened in the morning that was reminiscent of my past. 

I woke up, got all bundled up and ready to leave the house for a productive start to the weekend. I've had a rough couple of weeks and I really needed a recharge and a restart. I sat in a beautiful, historic building, drinking my locally sourced organic vegan smoothie, trying to convince myself with no success that this was exactly what I needed.

However, minutes later I open my phone and stumble across a picture set of my favorite fan couple. With an instant glimpse, my heart was filled with joy and an odd sense of serenity that I haven't felt in a while. It's been years since I stopped being their fan. The group disbanded and I've had my moral principles on the way too. Yet, I couldn't shake off the warm feeling I held towards them, and even years later, their smiles were blissful. 

I was taken aback. Frankly, I was amazed. Human emotions and memory are fascinating. Habits too. I still read and enjoy comics as much as I used to in my teenage years. I still savor every word, every illustration in a folktale book. I still smile at the thought of my favorite ship. 

Sometimes it's overwlemning- the pressure to change with your surroundings, I mean. I feel like I have to be a new version of myself with each new step I take. The idea of change terrifies me. I had a breakdown last year because I was weak and shivering, faced with myself. I couldn't accept that I was somehow changing. But these joyous memories and fleeting feelings now stand as the witness and affirmation that despite the new cities, new friends, new habits, new jobs, and new knowledge, I'm still me. A simple woman easily enthralled by fiction.