Hugs

The therapist I was seeing last year told me the way I was treating my younger sister is a reflection of how I feel about my inner child. Or was it my younger self? What is the difference between the inner child and the younger self, anyway? I don't know. 

What I do know is that I feel immensely protective over young girls. Girls that are hurt. Girls that are brimming with excitement and ambitions. Girls that look like they could use a hug. 

Be it fictional or real, I always wanted to hug those girls. to shield them. to comfort them. to tell them that they're valuable and so, so deserving of all the great things life has to offer. that they're enriching the human story- herstory -just by existing. 

I think I feel a similar sense of protectiveness over my younger self, too. Not sure how that works. Because memory is just a memory, not living. Yet I feel so saddened. I wish I had a time machine to travel back in time and hug her. Goddess knows she needed it. 

"Wow, you're really invested in this media!" "Are you seriously gonna spend money on this?"

Cringe, embarrassment, awkward - that's how they feel. 

I feel rage, bubbling up from deep within. What do you know about what this means to me?

What do you know about HER?

I want to yell. I want to get angry. I want to cry. 

Instead, I go to my quiet space and visit her. I thank her for being so strong. For not letting the turbulent winds blow out her light. For bringing me thus far. I tell her about hugs, how I wish she could hug me too. 

something something inner child. 

something something younger self.